By Debra Rich Gettleman

I haven’t had a crush since I was 12 and I first saw Leif Garrett on the cover of Tiger Beat magazine. Now, at the ripe old age of…older, I have fallen once again. After interviewing iconic Israeli matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom, I am completely infatuated.

To say that Aleeza Ben Shalom is effortlessly engaging, delightfully effervescent, and outrageously entertaining, doesn’t come close to describing the woman. She is truly resplendent.

It’s no wonder she hosts the successful Netflix series, Jewish Matchmaking, and is bringing a new light across the United States in her whirlwind Unity tour.

Dating in Serious Times

We started our conversation by exchanging stories about Israel and the war. I asked how she was doing? “How are we doing? We are…holding it together,” she tells me. “In Israel, you can’t just siton your phone and be depressed. You can’t sit and cry because food has to be delivered, supplies need to be packed up, someone has to do carpool because someone’s husband is going to Gaza. It’s just a team effort. In Israel, anything to help anybody is a part of the greater picture.”

As we move into the dating discussion, I find it a bit challenging to veer into what seems like a lighter topic. I relate that I’m having trouble not being consumed by the bad news, the bad press, and the mounting hatred of the Jews worldwide. I share that  I’m struggling to write a story about donuts in Israel for our Chanukah issue and how it feels so insignificant during these dark times.

“First of all,” Aleeza corrected, “You are not just writing about donuts. You’re writing about the Jews being a light unto the world…In this time of darkness, we cannot wait to spread light until Chanukah when we have the brightest light. We have to start now.”

It’s the same with dating, she exclaims. Looking at our current crisis, “It’s the single most important thing we can do as a Jewish people. Look, we have a past. We know our history. We have a present. We know what’s going on right now. If we are not dating and helping Jews marry other Jews, we won’t have a future.”

Soldiers Finding Soulmates

Aleeza passionately shares that we are fighting a physical war on the ground as well as a spiritual war for our own people. She reports numerous stories of soldiers on the front-line receiving food and supplies with names and phone numbers of the single women who packed them. “And the soldiers are calling!” she beams. One story involved a soldier who called a potential mate only to learn that she was half his age. At first disappointed, he recovered and told her that there were lots of single men her age around and offered to set her up if she would find someone for him. Aleeza saw the video and wants him to know that after the war, she has a job for him!

“It is not every man for himself,” Aleeza insists. “It’s every man for every man.” She forcefully declares that it is “dachuf,” the Hebrew word for “urgent.” “There is no greater work in the world today,” she affirms. “There won’t be future for the Jewish people unless we’re building it today.”

I inquire about business these days and she tells me that unfortunately both war and covid are great for matchmaking. When people contemplate the end of the world, they get very motivated to find their soulmates.

Ben Shalom is living proof of the “do what you love, and the money will follow,” tenet. She started matchmaking as a volunteer after her son was born in search of some much-needed adult connection. She loved it and realized she was great at it. 

When she and her family moved to Israel 2 and a half years ago, it didn’t take much to convince her husband, Gershon, that she should matchmake full time, and take over the role of breadwinner while he stayed home with their 5 children.

She jokes about “inadvertently retiring him,” but she doesn’t regret a moment. “He’s doing the most important job in the world. I’ll take the responsibility for our income.”

Live Matchmaking

Her live matchmaking show is traveling around the country while she continues to train coaches and matchmakers through her website, marriagemindedmentor.com. “I want to train other people so they can start their own businesses.”

My expression gives away my concern about how that business model might not be the best choice for her continued success. She picks up on it immediately and tells me, “I don’t believe in competition. I believe in collaboration.” She adds, “Dating is not an easy process, not in this world today. We help figure it out so it’s easier, faster, and more fun.”

For everyone in search of their soulmate, Ben Shalom reminds, “There is already a match in somebody’s world. They just don’t see it or know it yet.”

For more information about Aleeza Ben Shalom:

Read Aleeza’s books: Get Real Get Married & Virtual Dating

Listen to her podcast: Matchmaker Matchmaker and The Yentas