by Debra | Dec 26, 2023 | cooking, Featured Slider, Health & Wellness, Influencer, Interviews, jewish chef, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Parenting, Profiles
As far back as Ilana Muhlstein can remember she struggled mightily with her weight. As a morbidly obese child whose weight was the center of her family’s focus, she took comfort in sitting on a stool in front of the tv mindlessly eating to stuff down feelings about her chaotic family life and her parents’ multiple break-ups and reunions. “My stability,” Ilana tells me, “Became my stool in front of the television inside the kitchen with the pantry to go through. There were no family meals. It was just me and a bunch of snacks or takeout food.”
When she turned 8, her family doctor sent her to weight loss camp where she had to get weighed and measured, take before and after photos, and participate in 12 hours of cardio a day. With small-portioned meals, she always lost weight. But as soon as the school year restarted, she was back on her stool in the kitchen and gained it all back.
As is the case with yo-yo dieting, Ilana explains, “I could rely on losing some weight each summer. But I kept gaining the weight back, and more, which is what most people do with yo-yo
Diets.” She adds, “By the time I was 13 years old, I weighed way over 200 pounds, and I was a size 20.”
Going into high school, Ilana was determined to “get it together.” Without parental support, Ilana was on her own. Her parents also struggled with their weight and Ilana decided to change her life, her lifestyle, and her mindset.
She knew that limiting portions didn’t work well for her. She confesses to being a “volume eater.” “I like to eat a lot,” she shares, “So, I just have to focus on water first and veggies. I also tried to keep my mindset towards something positive; what can I eat, versus, what can’t I eat.”
That positive mindset along with other tools is what Ilana used to formulate her wildly successful 2B Mindset program. She’s got a book, an upcoming cookbook, a line of table and house wears, and a healthy meal delivery service. And she’s currently piloting a healthy Kosher meal delivery service. She proudly announces, “The meal delivery service is all throughout the country. We’re in 43 states and growing.” Unfortunately for this Kosher journalist, the Kosher service is only in Los Angeles at this point.
I ask her about the quality of the Kosher meals, having suffered through years of Kosher airline meals and wedding entrees. She honestly reports “The flavor is unbelievable. They taste incredible. It’s by far the best Kosher takeout in Los Angeles.” However, she does admit that they need a bit of tweaking. “They need a bit more veggies,” she notes. “I always want to add in more veggies. It’s the dietician in me.”
Yes, in addition to being an author, internet influencer, and successful entrepreneur, Ilana Muhlstein is a registered dietician. When she decided to turn her passion for healthy eating into a career, she knew she needed to boost her credibility and decided to enroll in a master’s program in nutrition.
The 2B Mindset program
As a devout calorie counter, I mention that there are no caloric values on any of her recipes. “We don’t count calories,” she asserts, and she questions my “devout” status, “I’m surprised that you can say ‘devout.’ Calorie counting is one of those things that I find not to be sustainable.” I sheepishly admit to not always being as diligent as I think I am.
Her straight-forward philosophy strikes me as brilliant. “I decided early on if I didn’t want to do it forever, I don’t want to do it,” she adds, “I didn’t even know calorie counting existed when I was a teenager and started to lose my weight. There was Weight Watcher points, but you had to have a textbook and a chart to look stuff up. Okay bread is 80 calories. You had to use pen and paper so that was something I didn’t ever try as a kid.”
Her way of self-monitoring is getting on the scale. “I do love the scale,” she smiles, “If I focused on filling up my plate with half veggies at lunch and tried to transform my carbs from being silly ones, like banana bread, to a fiber filled one, like a banana, and had protein at all my meals, I went on a scale and saw what was happening.”
Ilana lost her first 75 pounds without ever counting calories. She taught weight loss classes at UCLA prior to creating the 2B Mindset program and actually tried recommending calorie counting apps like “My Fitness Pal” to her students. But she discovered that monitoring the calories didn’t help people keep the weight off. In fact, it kept people’s mindsets on deprivation. “They were always feeling deprived.” Ilana reasoned, “They felt lost at events and parties. They couldn’t track their calories at a restaurant. So, they just wouldn’t track at all.” She also brings up the calorie counters who munched on three Oreos, calling it dinner, and justifying that it was under 400 calories. (Okay, I admit it. I’ve done it.)
Track Track Track
No counting calories. But Ilana is a firm proponent of food tracking. Her program includes food tracking forms, and she highly recommends keeping a food journal. “Just writing down your food every day, despite calories or macros or points, you’re going to lose weight, because you become more mindful of your eating choices.
“I have so much trouble tracking my food,” I tell her. “I know it works. But I just can’t seem to make myself do it.”
“It’s funny,” she laughs, “People will do anything but that. They’ll do super hard workouts or really intense fitness classes, and they’ll throw out their backs, and it’s really expensive. They do all these things before they’ll just write down what they eat in a day. It’s almost like a sense of honesty that people have to come to.”
I fess up to having a rough time with the honesty in this case and share that if I eat something bad, I just give up and don’t want to write down anything for the rest of the day.
“That’s so unproductive,” she gently advises, “Because it’s in those moments that you have to write it down, so it doesn’t reoccur. If you don’t write it down, it’s gonna keep happening.”
There Are No Bad Foods
And once we err, the negative self-talk tends to take over. Ilana recommends taking the blame off yourself and putting it on those triggering overly addictive over processed foods. We discuss a binge on chocolate covered M&Ms and she stops me cold. “You’re not the problem. They are. They’re the problem. They’re made with so much sugar, salt, and fat, and millions of dollars of marketing and research to make them so addictive. So, once you pop, you can’t stop.”
She urges dieters to recognize that foods aren’t “bad.” But keeping certain foods in the house in an open bowl, may not be good for them.
Delicious & Simple
She’s super excited about her new cookbook, Love The Foods That Love You Back. “It’s like every page is going to unlock the next mindset step,” she asserts. The recipes are simple (and I can attest to that, because I am a devout non-chef and I’ve been loving these easy to prepare dishes.)
“People need to realize, okay, portobello mushroom caps, tomato sauce, and cheese. It’s easy, simple. Then you make it. You eat it. And you’re like, wow, that was actually quite satisfying and filling.” She lays out her mindset process, “Then you go on the scale the next day or later and you realize you actually lost weight. And that gives you confidence, like, I don’t have to restrict to lose weight. I have to eat more of the right things to lose weight which is actually more sustainable.”
Desserts
I inquire about my personal passion, desserts. Ilana declares, “I always say treat, not cheat. Don’t focus on cheating because it puts you in that negative self-talk place. I recommend you give your body what it needs before you give your body what your feelings or cravings want.
So, desserts work. But I’m a big believer of eating your meal first and getting full and satisfied. Then you’ll be in a better place in terms of self-control to have one piece of something and move on. If you go in hungry and the first thing you eat is sugar, you’re down a vicious highway of addictive eating patterns. And no one goes from a brownie back to a cucumber.”
Nutrition as a Parenting Tool
Ilana grew up modern orthodox on the upper west side in Manhattan with family members who always struggled with weight. One of her oldest memories is sitting at a Shabbat table with her dad who took a big slab of challah slathered in mayonnaise and chrain (horseradish), topped it with gefilte fish and basically consumed a 400-calorie appetizer. When he looked across the table at his 9-year-old obese daughter making the exact same thing, something clicked in him. Modelling good eating habits is everything. She’s committed to doing that with her three kids who are 9, 5, and 2.
In fact, Ilana is currently working on a kids’ nutrition program. “I’ve always wanted to do this,” she earnestly explains, “Based on my background, my mission is to curb the child obesity crisis in America.”
“Nutrition,” Ilana insists, “Is a key parenting tool. A lot of parents get so distracted with piano lessons and chess lessons and a million other things. And that’s all great. But if your kid doesn’t eat well, then you’re not really setting them up for long-term success. Having a healthy relationship with food and learning healthy habits and seeing parents model healthy eating habits can really set a kid up for the rest of their lives.”
2B Mindset: The Basic Principles
Water First
Water helps keep you full so you can make better food choices throughout the day. You should drink half your weight in ounces at a minimum each day.
Veggies Most
They help keep you full and satisfied so you can
make better food choices throughout the day!
Out of Sight Out of Mind (OOSOOM)
Put tempting foods away where you can’t see
them. So, you can stay focused on your goals!
Keep Two Hands on the Wheel
Keeping your hands busy holding a cup of tea
or water at a party helps keeps you safe from
overeating.
Dinner and Done. Find Other Fun
Nighttime eating can be challenging. Find a post dinner
activity that is productive, not destructive,
so, you can stay focused on your goals!
TRACK TRACK TRACK
It only takes a few minutes each day and the
more information you input, the more insight
you’ll have into what works for you—and what
will empower you to stay on track.
RECIPES:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1s9zKkzhg-SqPtIkenk-5lk1IHOXeXp0R/view?usp=drive_web
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bvGNogM_TX7wfDkrqyyhBgNZDTJCZ3v6/view?usp=drive_web
https://drive.google.com/file/d/18TgYD7nu_2aNfjCH9BYtSzRrxtyfL5eM/view?usp=drive_web
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KaCsIc45CgIkBTRLJJ0KSfErn-30xiX3/view?usp=drive_web
by Debra | Dec 24, 2023 | Celebrity, dating, Family, Interviews, Israel, Judaism, netflix, Profiles, Weddings
By Debra Rich Gettleman
I haven’t had a crush since I was 12 and I first saw Leif Garrett on the cover of Tiger Beat magazine. Now, at the ripe old age of…older, I have fallen once again. After interviewing iconic Israeli matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom, I am completely infatuated.
To say that Aleeza Ben Shalom is effortlessly engaging, delightfully effervescent, and outrageously entertaining, doesn’t come close to describing the woman. She is truly resplendent.
It’s no wonder she hosts the successful Netflix series, Jewish Matchmaking, and is bringing a new light across the United States in her whirlwind Unity tour.
Dating in Serious Times
We started our conversation by exchanging stories about Israel and the war. I asked how she was doing? “How are we doing? We are…holding it together,” she tells me. “In Israel, you can’t just siton your phone and be depressed. You can’t sit and cry because food has to be delivered, supplies need to be packed up, someone has to do carpool because someone’s husband is going to Gaza. It’s just a team effort. In Israel, anything to help anybody is a part of the greater picture.”
As we move into the dating discussion, I find it a bit challenging to veer into what seems like a lighter topic. I relate that I’m having trouble not being consumed by the bad news, the bad press, and the mounting hatred of the Jews worldwide. I share that I’m struggling to write a story about donuts in Israel for our Chanukah issue and how it feels so insignificant during these dark times.
“First of all,” Aleeza corrected, “You are not just writing about donuts. You’re writing about the Jews being a light unto the world…In this time of darkness, we cannot wait to spread light until Chanukah when we have the brightest light. We have to start now.”
It’s the same with dating, she exclaims. Looking at our current crisis, “It’s the single most important thing we can do as a Jewish people. Look, we have a past. We know our history. We have a present. We know what’s going on right now. If we are not dating and helping Jews marry other Jews, we won’t have a future.”
Soldiers Finding Soulmates
Aleeza passionately shares that we are fighting a physical war on the ground as well as a spiritual war for our own people. She reports numerous stories of soldiers on the front-line receiving food and supplies with names and phone numbers of the single women who packed them. “And the soldiers are calling!” she beams. One story involved a soldier who called a potential mate only to learn that she was half his age. At first disappointed, he recovered and told her that there were lots of single men her age around and offered to set her up if she would find someone for him. Aleeza saw the video and wants him to know that after the war, she has a job for him!
“It is not every man for himself,” Aleeza insists. “It’s every man for every man.” She forcefully declares that it is “dachuf,” the Hebrew word for “urgent.” “There is no greater work in the world today,” she affirms. “There won’t be future for the Jewish people unless we’re building it today.”
I inquire about business these days and she tells me that unfortunately both war and covid are great for matchmaking. When people contemplate the end of the world, they get very motivated to find their soulmates.
Ben Shalom is living proof of the “do what you love, and the money will follow,” tenet. She started matchmaking as a volunteer after her son was born in search of some much-needed adult connection. She loved it and realized she was great at it.
When she and her family moved to Israel 2 and a half years ago, it didn’t take much to convince her husband, Gershon, that she should matchmake full time, and take over the role of breadwinner while he stayed home with their 5 children.
She jokes about “inadvertently retiring him,” but she doesn’t regret a moment. “He’s doing the most important job in the world. I’ll take the responsibility for our income.”
Live Matchmaking
Her live matchmaking show is traveling around the country while she continues to train coaches and matchmakers through her website, marriagemindedmentor.com. “I want to train other people so they can start their own businesses.”
My expression gives away my concern about how that business model might not be the best choice for her continued success. She picks up on it immediately and tells me, “I don’t believe in competition. I believe in collaboration.” She adds, “Dating is not an easy process, not in this world today. We help figure it out so it’s easier, faster, and more fun.”
For everyone in search of their soulmate, Ben Shalom reminds, “There is already a match in somebody’s world. They just don’t see it or know it yet.”
For more information about Aleeza Ben Shalom:
Read Aleeza’s books: Get Real Get Married & Virtual Dating
Listen to her podcast: Matchmaker Matchmaker and The Yentas
by Debra | Dec 24, 2023 | Featured Slider, Health & Wellness, Judaism, Loss, Mental Health, Rabbi
By Debra Rich Gettleman
Have you ever felt an internal longing for something you used to have? Maybe it’s a job or a relationship. Maybe it’s that empty nest pain that pops up after each Sunday night phone call from your kid in college. The pain of losing someone or something that isn’t actually gone, can be as, if not more, brutal as losing a loved one who has passed.
Indescribable Grief
When the war broke out in Israel, my son, Levi, was in Jerusalem, and he did not want to come back to the US. I felt so distant and removed from his life. I didn’t understand why he was reluctant to come home. I knew intellectually that he wanted to stay and help the war effort in whatever way he could. But I couldn’t get through to him how frightened I was and how desperately I was praying for his safe return and the safe return of all hostages. That is when I started talking about this indescribable grief I was experiencing. Grief for the innocent Israeli hostages, grief for the soldiers who were ambushed, grief for the unknown horrors I couldn’t even imagine. I called my beloved Rabbi and friend from Temple B’nai Israel in Oklahoma City, Vered Harris, to ask her if what I was experiencing had a name.
She shared with me the concept of ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is loss without closure or conclusion. “I think that we have to start with the idea of non-ambiguous loss, to understand ambiguous loss.” She proffered. “When someone we love dies, we know what that means. It means, I don’t get to speak with them anymore. I don’t get to hold their hand anymore. They won’t be at the Thanksgiving dinner table. And as much as we grieve and mourn those losses, we know that there is a finality to them. We don’t drive ourselves mad with wondering if they’re going to walk through the door this time. Are they going to surprise me?”
Full disclosure, I’m the worst surprise anticipator on the planet. I imagine these heartfelt reunions with far away friends and family at every imaginable turn. “Oh, I’m sure my husband who is working in a different city, will surprise me and show up at my birthday dinner.” Or, “Levi is just saying he’s not coming home from Israel. But surely, he’s on that last commercial flight out of Ben Gurion.” I can’t seem to not do this. Like I’m wanting something so badly that I mistakenly think I can create the impossible. And the disappointment each and every time grows exponentially.
Types of Ambiguous Loss
There are two types of ambiguous loss; physical and psychological. Physical ambiguous loss refers to people who may be missing or whose bodies are gone due to war, terrorism, or natural disasters. Psychological loss focuses on loss of emotional connection with someone who remains physically present. Having a relative who is lost to substance abuse, addiction, or Dementia, all represent a loss of cognitive connection. Psychological loss can also occur when one loses dreams due to financial setbacks or industry overhauls. In short, ambiguous loss refers to any kind of loss that doesn’t include death.
The term was coined back in the 70s by family therapist, Dr. Pauline Boss. She was working with families of lost soldiers and began to hone in on what she called the “myth of closure.” Her universally acclaimed book, Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief is considered by many to be the foremost authority on which much of today’s research is based.
As parents, we grieve losses daily. While most of us don’t actually want our children to move back into the house in their mid-twenties and early thirties, there is still a huge emptiness that they aren’t at the dinner table every night or holed up in their bedrooms playing video games. But, learning to tolerate the ambiguity of certain losses is crucial in developing resilience and moving on with one’s life.
Knowing my own sense of empty nest loss, I asked Rabbi Harris if that was a universal parental feeling. She told me, “I can only speak for myself. But I always wanted to be a mom and I always thought about what it was going to be like to have children, you know, raise children. But I never thought about what it was going to be like when they were raised.”
The Missing Hostages
“What about the hostages that are still missing,” I ask, “Does that constitute ambiguous loss?” Rabbi believes it’s still too early to know. “There is still reason to hope and pray that the remaining hostages are going to be back into the fold of their families, she tells me. “I’m choosing to keep that as my focus.”
We talk about the physical losses of homes and communities. Rabbi Harris tells me, “The areas, the kibbutz that was completely destroyed, that’s not ambiguous.” She insists that there is no one way to grieve, that each individual must find their own path to healing.
“Going back and rebuilding on that same land is still not going to be the same kibbutz, because of everything that’s transpired. However, rebuilding on that same land could very well bring healing to some of the people who have experienced what I wish was unimaginable and in many ways is unimaginable. Other people are going to grieve by never going back to that land again.
For me, the ambiguous piece is where we are right now. Part of ambiguous loss is not knowing how things are going to end up.”
Hope
I sum it all up by pronouncing that maybe ambiguous loss is simply a loss of hope. Rabbi Harris pauses for a moment before answering. “I think that giving up hope is one of the options you can choose in responding to ambiguous loss. For example, once you sit Shiva, you’re no longer in ambiguous loss. You have brought closure.
Ambiguous loss is more the debate of whether to give up hope or hold on to it.
And if I hold on to the hope, what is it that I’m hoping for? Because I might have to accept that my hope, that what I hoped for last week or last month, might not be what I hope for now.
The bottom line for Rabbi Harris? “I think that for me, the way that I sort of think about ambiguous loss is grieving what is lost while still recognizing what is present.”
by Cindy | Dec 22, 2023 | Featured Slider, Israel, October 7, Terrorism
By Cindy Saltzman
The first time I met Adele Raemer was during a Zoom interview. She wore a T-shirt with Hebrew letters on it that I couldn’t quite make out. When asked what it said, she replied, “Oh, I had the other one on before. I’m bilingual.” She pulled up a matching t-shirt with English letters that read, “Bring them home now.”
Between Zoom interviews, vigils, and live talks, Adele Raemer is so busy speaking out about her experience at kibbutz Nirim on October 7th, that she can’t always keep track of which language t-shirt to wear for which audience.
She also dons a new piece of jewelry which is actually a dog tag. “It says in Hebrew to bring them home now,” she explains. “And on the bottom, it says, ‘My heart is being held hostage in Gaza, 7/10/23.’ She has her close friend’s name from the neighboring Kibbutz Nir Oz engraved on the bottom. Her friend, Judih Weinstein Haggai went out on a regular sunrise walk in the field with her husband, Gadi Haggai that morning. Judih called the kibbutz nurse at 7:04 am on October 7th reporting that both she and her husband had been shot. Unfortunately, by that time the kibbutz ambulance had already been blown up. That was the last anyone heard of the couple. (Unfortunately, several weeks after this interview on December 22, it was announced that Gadi Haggai z”l was confirmed dead in Gaza. On December 28, 2023, it was confirmed that Judih Weinstein Hagai z”l was also killed).
We spoke with Adele Raemer in her temporary housing in a hotel in Eilat. (Comments are edited for brevity.)
Jewish Life Now:
Is it difficult to always go back and describe the horrors of that day?
Adele Raemer:
I survived and I see it as a responsibility as a survivor to talk about it because the world needs to know and understand what actually went on that day. Because I’m watching the news and seeing all these different groups saying that there’s an expiration date on this and that Israel is not going to be able to continue the fight much longer. That just infuriates me.
I don’t think anybody put a time stamp on the Americans when they went into
Germany to win, to be victorious over the Nazis. They did what they did for as long as it took.
JLN:
Tell us about Kibbutz Nirim.
AR:
Well, October 6th was our Kibbutz’s anniversary. We’re 77 years old. We are one of the 11 communities that were sent out into the Negev Desert in 1946.
Before I went to bed on October 6th, I told my son, who was visiting that if he doesn’t see me in the morning, it’s because I am going to get up early to take pictures of a field of wildflowers that are in bloom. I wanted to catch it at sunrise.
Thank G-d I was too lazy to get up at six the next morning because at 6:30 we started getting incoming rocket warnings…a massive barrage which was really very unusual.
In retrospect, we learned that this heavy barrage was sort of camouflaging, taking the attention, the army’s attention, everybody’s attention, away from what was the main event, which was what was going on along the border in at least 40 spots where Hamas, who had been planning this for a year or more, broke through the border. This was a supposedly impenetrable border with an underground barrier and an overground electronic fence with the highest technology.
About 20 minutes later, we got a notification that terrorists were infiltrating Israel.
We were told to go to our safe rooms. My son and I were in the saferoom from the moment the rockets began at 6:30 am. About an hour later, I ran out of my safe room to close the doors and the windows of my house. We then locked ourselves back in the safe room.
AR:
So, I ran to the safe room where my son was sleeping. And it’s a “safe” room because it’s built to protect us from rockets. It has reinforced walls and ceiling. It has a very heavy iron sleeve over the window which you close and click down to lock.
And it has a door, an iron door, which you close, and you click the handle down, and when you click the handle down, metal prongs stick into the ceiling and the floor, which prevents, if a rocket impacts your house anyplace else, it prevents an implosion from blowing the door open. The problem with the safe room is that it wasn’t built for infiltration and you cannot lock yourself in. In fact, it’s illegal to lock yourself in because if you have a medical emergency and you’re inside there, the first responders won’t be able to come and rescue you.
We often hear rocket explosions. But we’ve never heard gunfire, automatic machine gun fire inside the kibbutz. Grenades and RPGs and things were exploding all around and people were saying that they could hear people shouting in Arabic. Then all of a sudden, we started getting messages calling for help, that terrorists were at their doors. They were in their houses, and they were trying to open up the safe room doors. So, if you’re strong enough you can keep that closed, but if they’re stronger, then somebody from the outside can open it.
We also started hearing messages about houses being set on fire.
So we’re sort of following the progression of this nightmare as it was going on and wondering, “When are we going to be next?”
JLN:
So, you were just waiting for the IDF to arrive?
AR:
We have a team of first responders who are trained and armed.
My son-in-law is one of them. They’re trained for all sorts of scenarios.
But they’re trained for infiltration by one terrorist, five terrorists, not the quantity that we got.
50 to 60 terrorists were flooding into our community.
There were terrorists, and there were all of these everyday people too. They were just your average everyday Joes, everyday Mohammed in Gaza.
Apparently, they sent out a message saying, “Come on, guys, we’re going to conquer the Jews.” Come in and help us and have fun and, you know, do what you can to get your frustrations out, whatever.
There were so many regular people, just people; unarmed people and you see internal TV showing them coming through the gate. Like there was an old man with a stick and young teenagers just coming in. They set cars afire and slashed windows and broke windows and went into houses and started taking stuff out of the refrigerators and sitting down and eating. I did not think I was going to see another sunrise. I was sure this was the end.
Adele remembers hearing Arabic voices right outside her home. Then she heard someone calling them away. Once she was able to leave her house, she found broken slats on her window and realized they were on the verge of breaking into her home when other terrorists called them away.
Once the IDF finally reached the kibbutz about 7 hours later, they systematically went from house to house to make sure there were no more terrorists. When she and a group of survivors were finally walked back to the community center, where they could be protected, she wondered why the soldiers had taken such a long route around the outskirts of the kibbutz. She later learned that they were trying to spare the group even more trauma from viewing all the exposed bodies strewn across the road on the short way around.
AR:
I was finally liberated at 5:15 pm. (from 6:30 am.), that’s almost 11 hours. My son-in-law and granddaughters had to be evacuated through their window because a terrorist body was right in front of the door. As they were being evacuated, they had to duck into a shelter nearby. because the terrorists were firing their weapons.
JLN:
How are your granddaughters doing?
AR:
They’re very traumatized and it’s very difficult for them now even to be in the hotel.
We were evacuated under fire through an active war zone. We passed smoking vehicles on the side of the road, vehicles that were still burning, and charred bodies on the side of the road.
It was an active war zone.
JLN:
How has this changed you? You said earlier that your DNA was changed.
Can you explain that a little?
AR:
You know, I’ve been giving people tours through my kibbutz for years and telling our story to people who come to Nirim. I’ve always said, “I’m in touch with people in Gaza and the people that I’m in touch with believe in different things. They believe that we can live as good neighbors and we should live as good neighbors, and they believe that children should not be educated to hate.
I’ve always said that I truly believe that most Gazans are like that, that most Gazans just want the same thing that I do, to put food on their table and to have safety for their children.
But after I saw over 3000 terrorists and just regular Gazans flooding through our borders, wreaking havoc in our communities, murdering in the most barbaric ways. I’m thinking, where were the good Gazans? Where were they?
They cut babies out of their mother’s womb. They chopped children’s fingers off. They dismembered people while they were alive and they were so proud of it that they took video footage of it, which I have not seen and I will not see, but it is out there and people need to see it, to understand what it is that we’re up against.
These are monsters.
Gazan children have an end of the year play and they dress up as Gazan fighters and IDF fighters and the Gazans kill the IDF soldiers and take them hostage. These are the kids that grew up to be the monsters that came into our community on October 7th. They’ve been trained for this. They have textbooks in Gaza that teach you math.
Saying if you had 10 Jews and you kill seven, how many are left? And it’s been going on for decades.
Adele describes herself as a pacifist who has always advocated for a non-violent solution to the region’s conflict. But now, there’s been a shift.
AR:
A switch in my DNA tells me that before we can get into diplomacy, before we can make peace, we have to make war. It’s not going to be pretty and it’s not going to be short. It’s not going to be easy. And we can’t have a timeline imposed. We can’t have a time limit on this. The IDF has to be allowed to do what they know how to do best.
by Debra | Dec 22, 2023 | Featured Slider, Health & Wellness, Israel, Loss, Mental Health, war in israel
By Debra Rich Gettleman
Dr. Melanie Rich, (no relation), doesn’t necessarily look like a first responder as she sits in her tastefully appointed Scottsdale, AZ office. But she’s been on the ground helping victims cope with trauma for decades.
At Ben Taub hospital in Houston in 1975, she was part of the team that developed the first rape kit. She was one of several therapists on-call to help victims deal with the trauma of rape. From evidence collection to physical wound triage to the emotional overwhelm that affects victims of rape, Dr. Rich was there to help heal.
In 1995, while living in Oklahoma, she was at the Federal building after the bombing to walk injured victims and family members of those killed in the blast, through the desecrated remains prior to it being imploded.
Then came 911 and she was a regular on morning television news programs trying to help people deal with the grief, rage, and loss we experienced at the hands of brutal ISIS terrorists.
She tried to get to Israel to provide trauma counseling shortly after the October 7th Hamas massacre. But in the midst of the chaos and turmoil, only military personnel were allowed to fly into the country.
We sat down to talk about the direct and indirect trauma that Jews in America and all across the globe are experiencing.
“People respond to trauma very differently,” she tells me, “More sensitive ‘feelers’ take things really hard. Whether they know someone who was personally involved or not doesn’t matter. They are highly empathic people who have an immediate response and a hard time coming out of it. Other people might take longer to process the stress and trauma. It may look different. But they are still empathic.”
I confess to being an empath and ask what we are supposed to do to protect our psyches as we witness this kind of brutality. Dr. Rich recommends unplugging. She jokes about the sidelong glances she used to get from the program director at the news station where she appeared post 911. She told viewers, “Folks, turn off your televisions. You can only watch those horrific images so many times before it starts to make your soul sick.”
While that might have been the end of Rich’s tv news career, she still adheres to that same principal and tells me, “It’s about balance. You can be informed without watching hours of traumatizing footage.”
“I feel guilty turning it off,” I say. “What gives me the right to walk away and go to the gym or have my hair done? People in Israel, can’t just ‘turn it off.’” “Survivor guilt is real,” she responds.
“But your self-care might enable you to better reach out and help where you are able. Taking care of your own psyche prevents you from being incapacitated with sadness and depression.”
Dr. Rich recommends engaging in stress management techniques like exercise and spending time with people to lift yourself up. Attending community gatherings that encourage unity is also a great way to destress.
I ask about how to help young kids and teens cope with all the negative energy and dissent. While she admits she’s not a social media expert, Dr. Rich recognizes, “Social media is really angry and confrontational right now, and not very empathic. The rhetoric is so angry and accusing. Young adults are getting the brunt of it. It’s painful trying to figure out who’s with you and who’s against you.”
“Listen to your kids,” Dr. Rich advises. “Ask them what questions they have and reassure them that they are safe and will continue to be safe. That is the primary job for adults in their lives. Listen more than talk. Ask questions and really listen to what kids are saying.”
She also encourages anyone who is struggling to unplug and reach out to clergy, temple personnel, and counseling organizations for referrals to mental health practitioners
Overall, Dr. Rich suggests, “Go to rallies or smaller town halls. Put yourself in a room with people who share your feelings and emotions. And most importantly, talk to people. Let them share in whatever you’re thinking and feeling.”
She acknowledges that many people feel they should suffer in silence, hide their emotions, and not make waves. She disagrees profoundly with that. “Now is the time to make waves, big waves,” she adds, “In peaceful, thoughtful, and ethical ways.”
While the signs of trauma vary by individual, here are some red flags to watch for:
- Irritability
- Anger
- Depression
- Tearfulness
- Overwhelm
- Nightmares
- Sleep disturbances
- Being unusually quiet, withdrawn, or distant
Recent Comments